Thursday, May 6, 2010

Bad Girl Blogfest – Alexandra

Bad Girl Blogfest – Alexandra

IJM_6998LargeBIO – Alexandra

  • Name: Alexandra Toykalelova
  • Novel: New America, Book One, Part One
  • Role: Ally, Love Interest
  • Created: 1985
  • Setting: 2015, Martian Empire
  • Aliases or Nicknames: Alex, A. Toy.
  • Nationality: Martian, previously Russian
  • Position: Major, Martian Imperial Army
  • Age: early 30’s
  • Synopsis: Alexandra is an ex-Russian super-spy with two special abilities. The first is emotional enhancement, where any attraction you feel to her is multiplied many-fold, until she become irresistible. Second, she can heal like Clair Bennett on Heroes but over the course of weeks. She wants out of the futuristic KGB, but needs the help of an honest and reluctant enemy to sever her ties with the past.


Mars Tithonium Base, 2015. Alexandra has a prisoner to interrogate.

Alexandra closed her eyes and stretched, inhaling through her nose. Hmm…need to kick some heads about that sour odor in the air filtration system. She opened her eyes to the distant sun which hung low in the ocher sky and cast a bloody pall to her office. No more delaying the inevitable—it was time to make the prisoner talk. She honestly preferred the mundane tasks nowadays—sifting through requisition sheets, coaching new personnel—well, the female personnel. The male recruits crumpled at her feet and became useless lumps under her aura. Yes, her days of espionage were mostly behind her. She texted her assistant to join her and secure a weapon…just in case. The woman was a post-op tranny whose unique physiology proved immune to Alexandra’s power.

She checked her look in the cam. The image revolved while she adjusted her long black hair. She fingered a few commands and the nanostrings relaxed. Her hair straightened and lengthened, and then she ran a comb through it. A wipe of lipstick and dash of mascara completed the look. She adjusted her black uniform, nodded, and unbuttoned it down to her navel, revealing the black lace push-up bra underneath. Not that she needed such props.

“You go, girl,” said Gary-now-Geri from the door, winking. She followed Alexandra down to the brig.

The man in the holding cell actually impressed her. He had a fine physique and thick salt-and-pepper hair, and crouched in the corner like a hungry tiger. His eyes didn’t waver when she arrived. Good, he’s a tough one. Maybe he’ll be a challenge for once. Geri stood guard just outside the cell. Alexandra left the gate open behind her, daring the man to make a mad dash—to where, she couldn’t fathom. This base was as secure as any. The chase might just break up the monotony—and provide her with a week’s worth of exciting paperwork. She raised her eyebrows to the man and turned up her aura a notch…just enough to tingle.

“Please, sit. Ve have no reason to be unsociable, no?” Alexandra extended her hand to the metal bench. He nodded and sat as far away as possible. She pulled out her reading glasses and examined her iPad. She glanced over the materials, swiping through the various charges and the information he reputedly possessed. A gleam of sweat graced his brow and he clenched his teeth. “Oh, come now, General Taylor, relax. I like you.”

She made eye contact and turned her aura up. He bent at the waist and growled. His hands trembled and clenched.

“You are really trying to fight me, aren’t you? Vell, you’re doing better than most.” She opened her jacket a bit more and leaned forward. His gaze fastened on the curve of her cleavage. “Yes, good. You vant to touch me, to run your hands over my body.” He forced his eyelids shut but then they popped open, teary. His hands crept towards her. His tongue lolled from his mouth.

“Please,” he said in a husky whisper. “Please, stop. You don’t know…”

She snatched his hand. He gasped. “You tell me what I vant, then you can have this. All of this.” And she meant it. How long had it been since she held a worthy prisoner? She would give him the pleasure he sought—that they both sought. His will wavered. She glanced over at the iPad. “All you have to do is one little thing for me. Just give me those silly little passcodes to the Norad-Cimeria connection—”

His brain changed. His face grew slack, his pupils dilated. Alexandra had heard of it—an implant, triggered by a combination of duress and certain keywords. “Geri!”

Two hundred pounds of machine-articulated fury slammed into her assistant. The thing in the room was no longer human. It snatched the gun from Geri, fired a slug into her brain and two in Alexandra’s chest and ran off. Alexandra staggered against the wall, blood pouring down her belly, pain exploding from the wounds. The room spun and she collapsed into unconsciousness.

So this is a modern update of something I wrote literally 25 years ago. Somehow I don’t see us colonizing Mars in five years. The original was omniscient so the reader could see both of their POV’s but I changed it to hers. It was also almost completely telling instead of showing. Writing a 30-something woman as an 18 year old kid is a lot different than writing her as a 43-year old adult. I hope I did a better job this time.


  1. I think you did a great job with the rewrite--the change in the prisoner triggered by the keywords is a really fascinating concept, too.

  2. Yes, my first comment does too count, kinda. I was so tired from the blood runs that I didn't read clearly. Oops.

    Amalia is right. The trigger implant is quite ingenious. And you did the scale down in the perspective of the woman cleverly. Roland

  3. @Amalia: Except it makes him break out of the base into the Martian atmosphere where he almost suffocates...that's how they recapture it's not perfect.

    @Roland: Aw, I'm just giving you a hard time. I guess you "technically" beat me. I appreciate you stopping by and participating, your entry was great!

  4. I am really digging your blog, you are helping others get out there in this blog-world (and beyond), and I appreciate that! One of my friends signed up for your blogfest, and I had to check you out! I have not written anything that qualifies (yet), but I would appreciate it if you would step over to my blog and give it a look. (maybe even follow???)

  5. CHICKEN! I posted up stuff I wrote ten years ago with nary an edit, and got the critiques I thought I'd get.

    I caught on that this was an edit, though. It sounded way too clean, and the modernized gadgets were a giveaway.

    An irresistible woman is kinda unbelievable, though. I mean, who ever heard of a woman using her sexuality to get something she wants out of men.

    Doesn't happen. Ever. Men would never act like that.

    - Eric

  6. @Ivy: Thanks! Will check it out!

    @Eric: Eric Eric Eric. I wrote this thing as a 18yo kid!
    Just for you, here's part of the original scene:

    Alexandra Toykalelova readied herself for the encounter with the prisoner. Her maid-servant could be the only one helping her because anyone else would be overcome. She really hoped that he would be a challenge, but usually one powerful glance could subdue a man, and usually a woman, too. Children were tough, but she had other means. With queenly stature and grace she arose. The maidservant escorted her to the cell. She would wait outside armed, just in case. For large meetings such as the mock trial, Comrade Alex could tune down her aura so only the person under her attention was affected. Today, however, there were no holds barred.
    The General jumped up as The Divine entered the room. It took all his control to stay calm. He began to feel things he hadn’t experienced since his wife died so tragically. She closed the door and settled on the chair. She started slowly, noticing that the man was indeed struggling to withstand it.
    “So,” she started, her lush voice wrapping around Sill’s head. “I think there’s something we have to talk about.”
    “Uh, yeah…” His head swam and his knees buckled. Now that her presence filled the room, it was becoming unbearable. He had to have that woman now. Her beauty and magical attraction was ruining his control.


  7. @Eric - *snort* Of course, you're so right. I, or_cough_women (you know, in general) would never stoop to those means. Besides women know men are way too smart to fall for something like that. *bats eyes, pouts lower lip*

    Andrew - I like this one; it's a good clean edit. Nice premise, and I agree with Amalia about the trigger word concept.

    Not overly high on the bad girl scale, but I've yet to read your others.

  8. @Tara Thanks. I've got some pretty bad bad girls in there, so check the others out when you can!

  9. Hehe. Yeah, that reads like my older stuff reads, from back 25 -- God, did I just write that, 25 -- years ago.

    Back when I was a teen. Writing on a Brother Word processor because we couldn't afford a Commodore 64, and GOD I wanted that computer, with a dot-matrix printer. Back before Windows screwed it all up and Snakebite had everyone addicted.

    Oh, the stories I could've written if I'd just had a 64...

    - Eric

  10. @Eric: My dad actually sprang for a Vic-20...with the 16K expansion module so it had a whopping 21K of memory! But I sooo wanted the C64. I wonder if they're still out there...
    But I wrote this story on a Mac 512. I still have it and it still works...but I have no way of getting the data off the disks except reading the screen. I offloaded a bunch of files to PC back in the early 90's but unfortunately am still missing a ton.

    Hey...just notice "just in case" survived the re-write...I guess I still have some 18yo writer left in me!

  11. God Dudes; I remember all those early models. Ya know it ain't nice to make a lady feel old.

    I haven't been writing as long as you nice gentlemen, but I've certainly been around longer. Snake byte just wasn't the same without dos. (I benifited from marrying a geek.) We stuck to that Apple IIe long after Microsoft bullied its way into the market.

    Ooh, the distractions.

    Andrew this was sah-weet (as Simon says). Shows what you can learn about anything if you've been around long enough.

    "Not that she needed such props." Every woman's dreams wrapped up in that statement.


  12. It's always really interesting to revisit something we wrote way back in our past. That said, I really like this alot. And I want to thank you very much for hosting this blogfest. You've gotten some fantastic entries. :)

  13. Yes, thank you for hosting this blog fest! I loved your scene and wanted to continue reading. Interesting concept with Alexandra's seductive power stemming from her aura. The Russian dialogue was just enough, sometimes it can be overdone and throws the reader off, but you balance it well.

    Nice rewrite and the POV change was a good choice.

    Thanks again for hosting!

  14. I had to read this one, because she's as old as I am--I was born the year you wrote her. :)

    I think you did a great job with the rewrite--I really liked this line:

    She honestly preferred the mundane tasks nowadays—sifting through requisition sheets, coaching new personnel—well, the female personnel. The male recruits crumpled at her feet and became useless lumps under her aura.


  15. @Donna: Now of course I write on wireless laptops and store my writing in the cloud.

    @SJ: It's such a mess that I'd have to rewrite it...then I wonder if I looked it in 25 years I'd see how crappy my writing is now.

    @EJ: I tend to go overboard with the accents some time. Thanks for participating!

    @JAS: Yes she's Russian super-spy-turned-mid-level-manager.

  16. Definitely a cool concept, and I also like the trigger word idea. I may, ahem, borrow it for my sci-fi serial... Anyhow, I was thrown off my the year and the advanced tech as well, but seeing as you wrote it many moons ago it makes more sense. Might want to shove it back another couple of decades though. :-P

  17. @Val: Yeah, I don't see us colonizing Mars in my lifetime. Maybe I should set it backwards 100 years and make it Steampunk so it's all retro...

  18. Hah! Suddenly this becomes the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen...


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