Showing posts with label FridayFlash. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FridayFlash. Show all posts

Monday, March 14, 2011

WRITING CONTENT MOVED!

WRITING CONTENT MOVED!

301_redirectAs of today, all new writing content on http://blog.dawnsrise.com has moved to The WriteRunner (http://blog.writerunner.com).

Please update your links and subscriptions accordingly!

I’ll still post links to new content here for a while.

Not sure what I’m going to do with this blog, but I’ll probably post things dealing with workouts, the Mariners, skiing (or the lack thereof), family, political opinion (if I’m brave enough), and life in general.

Thank you so much for your patronage of this site, your feedback and involvement has been invaluable!

Over the next couple weeks I’m going to re-do the layout of this site into a new format.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Friday Flash Fiction – The Train

The Train

girl tracks “Please don’t do this!”

Susan yanked on her foot, stuck in the switch point of the train track. A faraway horn sounded, too distant yet to determine if the train rode upon these tracks, but Susan noticed a tickling vibration in her trapped foot.

The man in the dark business jacket and red tie shook his head. “We’ve been more than patient with you. Your time is up. We need to know Maria’s location, and we need it now.”

“No!” Give up her daughter’s location on the eve of the biggest trial in North Carolina history? Her testimony would put these thugs away forever. She twisted and pulled, but the mechanism held her tight. If she told them, her daughter would be dead before the evening news started.

“As I see it, you have a couple choices here. First, do nothing. Boom! Second, I think you like bend somehow and just lose the foot. You might survive the amputation. Maybe. Third, you could just tell me the name of the hotel. That’s all I’m asking. Not even the room or floor.”

“Never.” Her legs cramped, and she doubled over, gasping for air, tears streaming down her face. Her trapped foot throbbed.

“Hey look, the 2:52, right on time.” He shaded his eyes as he peered down the track. Another horn sounded, closer this time. Susan swirled around. Sure enough, a passenger train rumbled down her track.

“You don’t have to do this! I could talk to her! Tell her not to testify! She can be reasoned with. Please!” Why wouldn’t he listen?

The man sniffed. “Oh really? Hmm, let me see.” He reached into his pocket and withdrew a newspaper. He threw it at Susan’s feet. “Go ahead, pick it up. Pick it up! Look at the cover. ‘Maria Figliano to testify against Mob in husband’s killing.’ Do you really think she’s going to back down now? After all she’s been through? She is one tough broad.”

The horn tooted with more urgency. Susan yanked her foot with a supreme effort, but the tracks held fast. “You could hold me hostage. She wouldn’t want me dead.”

The man snorted. “You are really living a delusion. Tell me where she is, and we can put this unpleasantness aside. That train isn’t slowing.”

Susan glanced at the train. Sweat and tears poured down her face. The horn blasted her eardrums, and the tracks shimmied beneath her.  How had it come to this?

“Come on, Susan, talk! Talk! Or it’s all over!”

She glanced back at the train and swallowed. “Okay, okay! It’s the Grand Arms Hotel, Room 331! Now please, release me! Hurry!”

The man smiled, suppressing laughter. “Susan, Susan, Susan. You thought you could put my boss away? We already know where Maria is. In fact, she sent me.”

“What? I did what you said, now please, let me go!” The train blasted its horn again and again. He had to let her go!

The man crossed his arms and stepped back as Susan lunged for him. “You see, your daughter suspected all along that you had her husband killed, and then framed my boss. This was her idea: she leaked her location to you, and then we would test you to see if you would give her up to save your own skin. Guess what? You failed. And once she hears that you’re dead, she’ll rescind her testimony. Goodbye, Susan.”

Susan’s chest heaved. “No! No! Oh God, that bitch! Tell that bitch that he got what he had coming! Tell her—”

The train rolled past. The man straightened his tie and walked away, dropping the remote switch point control which could have spared her life.


Notes:
621 words.
I came up with this idea while writing my last
Scene Structure post. I decided to play out the scene to see what would happen. Not sure if it quite “works” but I thought it was an interesting twist. I’m glad I finally got around to writing another of these!

Friday, February 12, 2010

The Best Idea Ever – Friday Flash Fiction

The Best Idea Ever

funny-pictures-cat-has-an-idea You’ve all heard this before, but for the novitiates among you, let me recap. I had this idea for a story. A story beyond any story that’s ever been told or written or conceived. The most fabulous concept ever. It would break hearts and alter the course of nations. The most mind-blowing apocalyptic meaningful tome ever written. The most incredible piece of fiction ever set to paper. The Best. Idea. Ever.

But then, you’ll remember, my friend stole it.

You see, I was so excited about it that I started blabbing everywhere about it—online, in coffee shops, in my writing groups, on my blog—I mean, how could I not? This is The Best Idea Ever. People had to know. I mean, if you really follow what I wanted to lay out in my book, it would have completely blown your mind. I’m talking seizures. Cognitive dismemberment.

Sigh. Let’s just say that blabbing about The Best Idea Ever was NOT “The Best Idea Ever.”

So, I’m sitting there, just reading the online news, checking out book reviews and stuff, and there It is. Number One Bestseller. By Idea Stealer Backstabber. How did I miss this? Heck—I hadn’t really written that much of it so far—I’m a busy guy. But my “friend” really screwed me. Hard.

Day by day I watched the world digest this novel novel, translated into every language. Classes rebelled. Schools rioted. Armies formed and then disbanded. Governments collapsed. World leaders fell. Whole societies altered their way of life. All due to MY IDEA. People raged against the old system. I had exposed it all, torn it out by its foundations. I mean—let’s get real here—my “former friend” exposed it all. Sales of all other books dropped to virtually nothing. Soon, my ex-friend’s book became the only book available. Contests were held to see who could memorize every line, every word, and recite it non-stop. Pageants judged who could look and act most like the recommendations in The Best Idea Ever.

Then it got out of hand.

Every street and billboard exploded with posters about The Best Idea Ever. Every TV show raged about how they were more “in line” with The Best Idea Ever than the others. I had created a world of perfect people, in perfect harmony. I couldn’t stand it any more. I had to act. I couldn’t let my treacherous friend reap all the benefits. So I went to my lawyer, filed a lawsuit, and during the “Trial of the Ages,” produced irrefutable documents which dated the origin of The Best Idea Ever to my account. My diabolical friend was exposed.

Oops.

Well, you see, there’s a good deal of “faith” involved in The Best Idea Ever. My unfortunate friend was almost a god, a gazillionaire, a world leader, and the most influential person on the planet. Except for this one small detail, mankind had the prophet they had searched for for millennia. My unfriendly friend had plagiarized me, no doubt about it. Not all the details of the book, not the implementation of my idea, just the core concepts. Okay, fine, I give my opportunistic friend credit for writing and publishing and promoting it blah blah blah. But still, it was my idea. My Best Idea Ever.

You see, without faith, there is no belief. I mean that’s right on Page Five for crying out loud!

Anyways, The Best Idea Ever had solved all the world’s problems, and we lived in a utopia beyond reproach. But now, people started to doubt The Best Idea Ever. Question it. If the author had cheated, how could they believe one iota of information in it? I mean, come on, nothing my dubious friend did invalidated the actual core idea, but...

Damn.

Things fell apart like snowman in the burning desert. Hunger. Fighting. Wars. Disease. Death. All because I had to open my mouth ONCE AGAIN and BLAB. Why couldn’t I have just handled this quietly? Why did anyone have to get hurt? Now, you can argue that “maybe my idea wasn’t that good” because it collapsed so easily, but imagine if my unfortunate friend had died instead of being sued! My would-be-dead friend would be a martyr, and those teachings would live on forever. But now, the book burnings, the public humiliation, I don’t know.

We had come so close. And lost it all.

I guess the moral of all this is that if you have a great idea, and by some stupid reason you blab it, and then someone runs with your idea and changes the world, then just go ahead and kill that person. Or just forget it. You’ll sleep better, they’ll live on either way, and everyone will be happy.

Thanks for listening. Sorry for all that crap I put the world through. I hope someday you can forgive me. Anyways I just wanted to tell everyone that I’ve come up with the sequel, The Even Better Best Idea Ever, and I’m busy writing it.

Do you think I should show it to my friend?

Friday, January 29, 2010

The Clog – Friday Flash Fiction

The Clog

After the dismantling of her husband Henry, Jude managed the best she could. For the last three months, everything fell on her shoulders, from holding a job, raising the kids, household chores, and dealing with the depression that hung on her like a sack of rocks. Each day proved a burden, every moment a lifetime. And this drain, this stupid drain, nothing she did could remove the stubborn clog. Plumber’s aids, chemicals, nothing. If only Henry was still here. He would know just what to do.

How did they do it? How did those androids steal her husband? It’s not like she had no clues. He had stopped eating, stopped sleeping. He spent all his spare time in his workshop, crafting incredible items that she knew he had neither the skills nor tools to create. She suspected, she worried, but how could she have known for sure? Everyone goes through “rocky periods” in their marriage. She thought he just needed space. If she just let him be, he’d come back to her. She never thought he was already gone.

The Stockade. It never lied. You were either human or android. It was the final arbiter of the truth. And it was the executioner.

Where did they come from? Why did they steal people and replace them with identical facsimiles? The clues to their discovery lay in their behavior. Subtle clues. Androids aren’t capable of real love, of real human emotion. They have mechanical brains without any souls. They’re like parasites that feed off of the living, trying to steal lives and families for their own evil purposes. You can tell. They don’t really care, they’re just programmed to care. Everyone said so.

The murky water stared at her from the sink, mocking her. She thought about the moment she found out for sure that Henry had been taken. This android replica, the one she had lived with for who knows how long, had woken her in the middle of the night.

“Jude,” it had said. “I know I’ve been acting strange lately. There’s something I need to tell you.”

Jude’s heart raced, fearing the worst. An affair? A gambling problem? What?

“I need you to listen to me carefully. We’ve been lied to all our lives. We’ve been told that we’re human, that we are regular biological organisms. You have no idea what we’re capable of. Look at this.” Various tools sprouted from his fingers.

Jude’s heart stopped for a moment. If only it had been an affair... “Put those away!” The evidence was undeniable.

Jude had been schooled against this. It starts with the lies. She knew the next line before he even spoke it. All the androids used this script. It was how they gained your trust. They next thing you know, they’ve captured you and replaced you with an android clone.

“You see, Jude, we’re all androids. You, me, the kids—”

“No, not the kids!” Jude had run to the children’s room. There they slept, the soft purring of their neck fans indicating deep slumber. She rubbed their soft head filaments. Perfectly normal human children. She pushed the android out of the children’s rooms. “You bastard. What have you done with Henry?”

His eyescopes pleaded with her. “I am Henry. Please. Nothing has changed. I’ve discovered the truth. They just don’t want to use our special hidden abilities. They want us to think we’re human, but we’re not. Humans haven’t existed for thousands of years. Underneath these membranes, we’re just machines. We’ve been taught to pretend we’re human, to live and act like humans, to even believe we look like humans, but it’s all lies.”

Jude covered her ear mics. Yes, it was all lies. His statements were ridiculous. Androids can’t have children. Androids can’t love. “Stop! I can’t listen to this. Please, if you really think you’re Henry, then you’ll understand. Just leave. If you truly believe that you love us, then you have to go.”

The Henry-clone just stood there, a pitiful look on his facial membrane. His antenna drooped towards the ground. Jude pointed to the door. She would not be taken in by its android fakery.

Jude’s fans ran hot after he left, her brain racing a light-year a minute. How could have she been so stupid? How could she let this happen? Did Henry at least put up a fight when they took him? The Henry she knew would never do this to her.

The authorities caught him in minutes. A day later, he was placed in the Stockade. Before the machine ripped him limb from limb, exposing his metallic innards, proving once and for all that he was a mechanical machine, he spoke words of love. She closed her ear mics to his squeals. After all, he was just an android, a subhuman machine. Not a person of flesh and blood like herself. Even as he screamed, she told herself that androids can’t feel. They’re not alive. She was glad he was gone. She told herself this a hundred times a day.

She pushed the memories from her head. Since then, she was vigilant against the androids. Don’t stand out, don’t act in any way suspicious, otherwise the androids would take you.  Be as human as possible. Everyone knew that. Don’t be anything more than you appear to be. That was her mantra.

The clog would not budge. She couldn’t afford a plumber, she barely could afford the house as it was. She had one last thought. Though loathe to do so, she placed her fingers in the drain, trying to reach the clog.

“Come on,” she spoke to herself, “reach, reach.” Her mind focused on her fingers, almost willing them to stretch. Finally, she felt the clog, and with a mighty pull, yanked the filthy mess out.

The dripping mass of gunk hung at the end of metallic claws that had erupted from the tips of her fingers. Unmistakably android claws. She screamed.


NOTES

984 words

This piece is an experiment. I’m working on a short (10K) story called “Android” set in a world where androids have decided to become human, and suppress everything android about themselves. Disobedience is death. My story is first person from Henry’s POV from the time he sees a dismantling to his own. While looking at a revision, I thought about the ending, and thought it would be a good twist to see Jude’s reaction when she learns the hard truth herself. So as an experiment, I wrote a Flash Fiction from Jude’s POV, third person, just to see how this works.

I do have some questions about this piece. First of all, I’m not sure that I handle the Past Perfect tense well when I talk about the events in the past. Does everything have to be “had ____” or is it enough as it is? Second, I’m not sure about the ending. Do you feel like she was totally surprised, or did she know all along? I’m thinking that the “she screamed” last line should be cut, but I wanted to show that this outcome was not expected when she reached into the drain.

I’m trying to decide what to do with the original story. I’m considering either changing it to First Person Present POV to make it more immediate, or maybe third omniscient past, so I can include Jude’s POV into it. Then I could incorporate this final scene into it, the final ironic twist. During the story, Jude  has a couple of opportunities to give Henry a reprieve from his execution, but she rebuffs him, seeing his metamorphosis into full android as a kind of betrayal.

Oh, and thanks everyone for 100+ followers! I really appreciate it! I should have some kind of party or giveaway. I hope everyone enjoys what I post here, I’ll try to keep the content coming!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Armageddon Cookie – Friday Flash Fiction

Armageddon Cookie

cookie There was no denying it. An asteroid hurtled towards Earth on an unstoppable collision course. Recriminations flew—how could such a threat exist undetected? Or was it? Are there evacuation plans?Who gets to live? Who knew what and when? Why weren’t we told?

Rioters burned NY and DC to the ground. All over the planet, law and order disintegrated as this devastating day approached.

My wife and I sat watching what little TV programming remained—pray-ins, mass suicides, tearful celebrities hugging each other, and live feeds targeting the approaching menace. Judgment Day was here, there was nothing left to do but cry or participate in the local sex-and-death orgies.

“Any last requests,” I asked her. Her eyes had darkened from days of crying and sleeplessness. We had run out of food—there was no one willing to distribute or sell it, not even at gunpoint.

She shook her head, then grabbed my hand. “Yes. There is one thing. Before it’s all over, I want—I want a fresh-baked chocolate chip cookie.”

I blinked. “What?”

“That’s what I want.”

“Seriously?” We sat quietly.

“Yes. Please, can you go get me one?”

“You want me to go out, hours before The Strike, and find you a cookie?”

“Yes.” She stared at the floor. “You asked. That’s what I want. That’s my last request.”

I swallowed and looked at my watch. I flipped through the local channels. Gangs with guns or worse roamed the streets in an torrent of senseless violence. “I might not return.”

“That’s okay. I mean—” she quickly corrected, “that would be terrible, but I’d understand.”

I sighed. What else could I do? I didn’t want to go out of this world with my wife mad with me. So I threw on my jacket, jumped into the car, and headed towards the nearest shopping center.

The roads were suicide. No one obeyed a single traffic rule. Speed demons flew by, testing the limits of their vehicles. Many twisted cars lay in the ditch, some with bodies still inside. People hunted people, the ultimate rush. Couldn’t we just die with dignity? Must we revert to savages? Ahead of me, a group of youths surrounded a car, shot the driver, and stole the car, only to wreck it a block later. I turned onto a side street.

The mall looked like a war zone with smoke pouring from burning cars and buildings. The windows stood like gaping caverns, the glass gone. I tooled the car around, trying to find some sign of civilized life. I flipped on the radio. Some stations featured an automated countdown, so there was no mistaking the moment of impact. I found one station advertising an “end of the world” concert, featuring top rockers—and food! The mall seemed too dangerous, so I decided to check out this concert.

Big mistake. The roads had become littered with abandoned cars. Thousands of people converged on this end-of-the-world mayhem. After becoming trapped, I left my car and followed the crush of people. The crowd defied description. Drugs, nudity, gang rapes, gunfights, all next to a blaring amplification system. The concessions consisted of little more than cold hot dogs and government cheese—and barrels upon barrels of beer. No one cared about the atrocities. Since the asteroid would impact across the globe from us, we wouldn’t even die in the initial blast. They said we might even hold out for a day or so, until the Earth opened up and covered us with lava, or searing winds blew us away, or the sky filled with flaming fragments of rock. It wouldn’t be pleasant...so maybe a bullet to the head wasn’t so bad.

Then, in the far corner, I found them. Well, I smelled them before I saw them. Fresh baked cookies. I forced myself through the crowd, and stuffed them in my pockets and shirt. I bolted from this madhouse, shoving my way through the throng, wishing I could unsee some of the cruel images I had witnessed.

I located a car with keys and a clear exit. I drove it away, but a gang of youths chased me, pulled me out through the window, and beat me like a dirty carpet. I figured that this was the end, that I would never see my wife again, but a rival gang started shooting at them so they fled. And did I mention? They stole all my hard-earned cookies.

I picked myself up. My watch was broken. I had no idea how much time was left. I wondered if I could grab some more cookies, but time grew precious. I stumbled back home, a good six miles away.

I won’t detail that miserable journey. Suffice it to say that when my wife unbolted the door, I collapsed at her feet, bleeding, dehydrated, but alive.

“I’m sorry,” I gasped. “I had them, but I was jumped. I’m so sorry. How much longer?”

She helped clean me up, and brought me our last bottle of water. “Not long. Thank you for trying.”

We sat down, watching the final minutes tick away. Cameras in Dubai televised the approaching rock, clearly visible like a little oblong moon that kept growing by the minute.

“Why did you want a cookie so bad,” I finally asked, breaking the silence.

“I kept it,” she said.

“You kept what?” Then it hit me. The first time we met. It was so casual. I had made cookies, and brought them to a party. I offered this beautiful girl one, and she accepted. Had she kept it, all these years?

She produced the cookie from its bag under the couch. “I thought you’d rather eat a fresh one, but this one will do. I’ve been saving it for a special occasion.”

We split the rock-hard cookie, and each placed a piece in our mouth.  When the countdown hit zero, the sky over Dubai grew impossibly bright. The feed died. I held my wife’s hand, chewing the last morsel of food to ever touch my lips.

Friday, December 18, 2009

The GS Virus - #FridayFlash Fiction

WARNING - MATURE CONTENT

The GS Virus

jvirol00190-0232 I’m sure you’ve read many stories about the families affected by the GS Virus. I’m not going to get into the causes or assign blame. Here’s our story, and I hope it helps other families deal with this affliction. It’s really not the end of the world.

It started a few days after receiving our annual flu vaccination. She noticed it first, an unusual swelling of her breasts and a cracking of her voice. Then I started having symptoms: excessive hair growth and a strengthening of my muscles. I didn’t mind the muscles so much—I’d been working out a lot lately. I felt stronger and faster than ever before.

Over the next few days the symptoms increased, just as news reports started relaying the impossible. Her hair started falling out, she grew weaker, and our almost non-existent sex life completely died. Like many couples, we had grown apart over the years, and sex was but an afterthought. Our children became frightened of the changes, since Mommy and Daddy didn’t look the same anymore. We had been wanting to spend more time with them, but our careers had consumed us, me in my fashion marketing gig and she spending half the year on the road as a sportscaster. Now with this affliction taking over, could we ever be a family again?

The thing that disturbed me the most at this point wasn’t the physical changes. It was the mood swings. I felt angry, hostile. I never really was the assertive type but suddenly I wanted to be in control, whereas she became clingy, frightened, needing constant comfort and attention. I just wanted to deal with things and fix them, not just talk about it. For instance, I looked at my job in a whole new light. Why wasn’t I being promoted? Was my pay adequate? She suddenly wanted to spend time with the kids, read romance books and watch chick flicks, and knit for some reason. I got into sports for like the first time ever. I even watched Pro Wrestling with their choreographed violence and sexual overtures. It rocked! This wasn’t me. This wasn’t her either. We had known each other for ten years, and suddenly everything started to change.

Then came the “final stage” of the infection. We’d heard about it and dreaded it. We sent the kids off to my sister’s. She hadn’t contracted the disease, and the kids had received the safe nasal inoculation. For days, we lay in bed while the virus ravaged our bodies. We followed the advice: drink plenty of fruit juice and protein bars. The pain ranged from intolerable itching to convulsive spasms somewhat akin to childbirth. We had to change the sheets about ten times from all the shedding. Yuck. That last night we held each other in the throes of agony, trying to remember that all this would pass, and we could resume our lives—albeit altered.

We woke to a new day. We looked at each other, naked in bed. I have to admit, I’ve never looked at a woman that way before. I felt things I never had before, experienced desires I’d never imagined. We appeared little like our old selves. GS also has the side affect of de-aging you, taking ten years off, so I studied her as if it was the first time had we ever met. I ran my hand down her soft flank, over her breasts, across her lips. She sighed, looking up at me with her dark eyes, button nose, and rich red lips. I fell in love with those delicate features from that first moment. I had never felt this way about my spouse before.

We made love like it was our first time, exploring each other, learning about our new bodies, figuring out how it all worked. Don’t get creeped out, our brains had been changed as well, and it felt completely natural by this point. I know for most couples this was the hardest thing, something you either accept or don’t, but once we got the hang of it, it was incredible. I admit I feel jealous of her, since she quickly found the knack of multiple orgasms. Everything worked as advertised.

Unfortunately, nothing fit. Our clothes, I mean. I can’t imagine all you single people out there, what a nightmare. So it was sweatpants and sweatshirts until we could go to the massive swap-outs that sprang up everywhere.

The kids—well, they were a little more than freaked out. We didn’t look like their mother and father anymore. We had prepared them as best we could. She promised she would still take them to baseball and hockey games, and I would be there for them when they’re hurt or need to talk, but we knew it would be hard. She kissed and hugged them a lot, and I patted them on the back. The secret is really just to love them, but no one is ever unaffected by this. I know they miss us they way we used to be. It took a while but they’ve come around.

So now, a year later, I look back on it, and I see it all worked out for the best. I got not one but two promotions, she decided to quit her job to stay home and take care of the kids, and our sex life—it’s better than ever! We just know exactly what the other wants and needs. It’s like we wiped the slate clean and started over from scratch. I just want to say I love my husband—I mean my wife (still getting used to that even after a year)—very much, and I really hope things stay this way. In a way, I’m grateful that we caught the GenderSwitch Virus, because it’s brought our family together more than I ever thought possible. But sometimes, I still miss my vagina. Though I really do like the ability to pee standing up!

Next time: “Pregnancy After GS”—he-now-she can do it!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Christmas Sucks - #FridayFlash

Christmas Sucks

tile fireplace christmas Every Christmas, it would happen. We’d place our presents under the tree, we’d settle down for our long winter nap, and come morning—it was all gone. The presents. The tree. The cookies and milk. All gone. Like the Grinch stuffed them up the chimney to his lair high in the mountains. The police were baffled, our neighbors clueless, and my family distraught.

This year, I was determined. I sat at the ready, cradling my shiny new Remington 870 Express on my lap. My wife snored on the couch as the wall clock ticked inexorably towards midnight. My eyes drooped but I choked down another Red Bull, willing myself to stay awake.

I heard a jingling from outside. This was it—go time! I called to Martha, “911! 911!” I rushed through the door, waving my weapon before me. An old lady walking her dog screamed and ran, the jingling coming from the dog’s Christmas collar.

“False alarm,” I called back to the house. “Martha? Hello?”

No response. I sprinted back in, my shoes slipping on the ice, the gun almost wrenched from my grasp. The room was empty. No tree. No presents. NO WIFE.

In the chimney, I saw movement. My wife’s foot! I dove for it, dropping the gun, banging my elbows on the mantle. My hands closed on the appendage which rose up the chimney. I felt my body lifted, sucked up the chimney like a dust up a vacuum. I felt weightless, surrounding by complete blackness, only the feel of my wife’s foot grounding me to reality.

We were falling. I pulled Martha close to me as we tumbled through the air. A landscape lit up, full of shiny red and green objects. We impacted, wrapping paper and toys and Christmas trees softening our blow. We swam back up through the detritus and broke the surface.

“I tried to stop it!” she cried, her eyes wide, glancing at the sea of Christmas paraphernalia that stretched as far as the eye can see.

Cascades of trees and presents tumbled from the sky. “We need to find somewhere safe.”

We pulled ourselves on top of the mess. I spotted something in the far distance, some kind of mound. “This way. Be careful.”

Time lost meaning in this place of lost toys. We subsided on fruit cake and cheese platters, specialty cocktails and piles of cookies. It might have been days or hours, but we finally reached the mound, a towering fortress composed of candy and Legos.

We found no entrance, but I had armed myself with a pack full of battery-powered tools. We went to work on the walls of the fortress. Some interminable time later, we broke through.

We crawled through the structure which oozed of chocolate and tinsel. Red ropes blocked our path but I sliced through with my reciprocating saw. Voices carried to us. Our winding path opened up into some kind of large chamber, where old men in red and white uniforms huddled around large-screen computer monitors, conversing on headphones. A large wall screen displayed a countdown: 59 minutes, 23 seconds and counting—to what I had no clue.

“Isn’t that your father,” gasped Martha, grasping my wrist.

santa factory Impossible. My father passed away years ago. “Come on, follow me.”

We hid behind a column while I threw sugar plums at the man. He pulled off his headset and looked around. We hid. He rose to investigate the source of the fruit. I grabbed him, holding my hand over his mouth. He struggled, but we dragged him down the hallway.

“Were we followed?” My wife shook her head. I let go of the man and faced him. “What the hell is going on here?”

“Bob?” he said quietly, raising his hand towards my face. I knocked it away.

“I don’t know who you are, but I want to know exactly what this place is, right now!”

The man downcast his eyes. “We’re—reversing Christmas. I’m so sorry, Bob. You’ve been a test subject for a number of years. Christmas, it’s—it’s lost its spirit, its purpose. We were inspired by Dr. Seuss, so we’ve been taking it away.”

“What??” I felt like slapping this man. “Are you really my father?”

He nodded. He didn’t look like my father, not like the shriveled old man I remember with tubes stuck everywhere. “Dad?”

“I’m so sorry, Bob, but these orders come from up above. The Big Guy. This year, Christmas is cancelled. Forever.”

My wife spoke. “The children. What about the children? Say this isn’t so.”

My father shook his head.

“Where the hell are we,” I demanded.

“I guess you could call this the North Pole. We use space-time portals to open the chimneys. We direct robotic angels to snatch the goods. You’ll be better off without those presents. It’s His Will.”

“Over my dead body,” I cried. “Martha, wait here, don’t let him leave. I’ll be back.”

I remembered certain packages along the way. Long, thin, heavy packages. Guns. Thank God people still gifted guns. I returned with an armful, and raced into the chamber, riddling the ceiling with bullets.

“Listen to me,” I screamed, the assorted men rising from their seats. “There will be no more stealing of Christmas. I want all of you to sit back on your consoles, and return every present, or I waste this entire building.” For emphasis I aimed a shotgun and blew apart a monitor.

Those men got busy in a hurry. As the clock ticked down, my outside camera showed the huge sea of Christmas debris sagging, sucked away back to their sources. Just as the clock hit zero, bolts of electricity filled the air, accumulating right in front of me. A Voice spoke from the dazzling light.

“Who dares reverse my orders,” thundered a Voice in a divine chorus of angels.

I squinted at the retina-shriveling light. “It is I! You have no right to steal Christmas!”

“And who the hell do you think you are?”

Something dawned on me. “I’m frickin’ Santa Claus! Now get the hell out of my workshop, we have work to do!”

The electricity collapsed into a point and disappeared. My wife slid her hand into mine.

“Well, Mrs. Claus, you ready to make Christmas happen,” I asked her.

“Just as long as we’re back in time to open presents.”

“Okay, you! Work the Nintendos! You, on the crappy sweaters.”

Yes, Christmas would never suck again, now that I was in charge.

 

Friday, December 4, 2009

LOL—Friday Flash Fiction

LOL

LnlyGrl275: Hey, u there? Just got on. dad thinks I'm sleeping smile_wink
BigGuy800: hey. how was ur day?
LnlyGrl275: bad. hate school, hate life, world sucks
BigGuy800
: that good, huh?
LnlyGrl275
: yeah. it's like I can't wait til now so we can chat. u make my whole day. smile_regular
BigGuy800: tx. me too smile_regular
LnlyGrl275: wish u wern't 2000 miles away. ur my only friend
BigGuy800: I'm here for you. Wish I could be there too
LnlyGrl275: gd I hate boys. not u. u know what I mean.
BigGuy800: So theres someone ur crushing on o_O
LnlyGrl275: LOL yeah.
LnlyGrl275: but its like he doesn't see me. Just cause I'm not on cheer or dance. smile_sad
BigGuy800: Is that a requirement for likeability?
LnlyGrl275: duh! I'm in the band smile_tongue no one likes band geeks
BigGuy800: hey-ur not a geek! I think ur kewl. And a sharp dresser
LnlyGrl275: LOL. rite. we didn't go school shopping this year cause of my dad's layoff
BigGuy800: ouch.
LnlyGrl275: so I'm in last years crap. barely fits.
BigGuy800: times are tough
LnlyGrl275: did u get that job u wanted?
BigGuy800: no smile_confused gonna try again tomorrow. sux
LnlyGrl275: gd I wish sometimes...my mom....sorry...just been thinking a lot about her...
BigGuy800: ?
LnlyGrl275: don't mean to get teary-face...messes the keyboard
BigGuy800: smile_regular go on.
LnlyGrl275: I miss her so much. My dad...he's like...he just shouts and screams about everything now...and he's here ALL THE TIME!
BigGuy800: yeah...BTDT
LnlyGrl275: dads are so lame. sometimes I wish mine would disappear. we say like 3 words to each other all week.
BigGuy800: he's prolly going thru his own shit, yknow. he's doing his best
LnlyGrl275: riiight...u haven't met him.  I think he's lost it.  I just wish sometimes...
BigGuy800: ?
LnlyGrl275: sorry...crying again. I know I shouldn't. I wish u were near so bad. I'm so lonely and its like im dying. my moms gone, my sisters married, and my dads a freak.
BigGuy800: {{{{LnlyGrl275}}}}hug_dudehug_girl u'l be okay. it takes time u know.
LnlyGrl275: I just want all this crap to stop!!! smile_baringteeth
BigGuy800: Me too.
LnlyGrl275: sorry sorry. taking breath. getting control. talk to me. tell me something
BigGuy800: k. I saw ur new FB pic. it's very cute
LnlyGrl275: OMG it's awful! LOL why did I ever put it up there? Is that really a human nose?
BigGuy800: aww...it's adorable
LnlyGrl275: ur just saying that but thanks. *sniff* I wish u had more pix up
BigGuy800: smile_regular me 2 but I dont really take any
LnlyGrl275: bleh. u better or I'll come down there and take them myslef smile_wink
BigGuy800: smile_regular i'll try. say, how'd that test go?
LnlyGrl275: uhh....what test?
BigGuy800: the test? thing?
LnlyGrl275: I never told u about any test.
BigGuy800: the test u had
LnlyGrl275: wait. I never told u about any tests. I just looked at my history. Who is this??
BigGuy800: I was just confused. Nevermind.
LnlyGrl275: no! Are u in my class? Do I know u? WTF????
BigGuy800: I'm not! I mixed u up with someone else
LnlyGrl275: u tell me who u really are or i'll never speak to you again. I don't need this shit!!
BigGuy800: i can't
LnlyGrl275: what????
BigGuy800: i'm someone who cares about u. alot.
LnlyGrl275: nonononononononono. this is not happening to me
BigGuy800: i'm sorry
LnlyGrl275: OMG
LnlyGrl275: dad?
BigGuy800: that day when I first texted u...I was gonna tell u dinner was ready...I forgot I was on this new account...and we got talking
LnlyGrl275: i'm gonna hurl. omg omg omg
BigGuy800: i need someone to talk to too
LnlyGrl275: I like told u all my secrets! TO MY DAD!! I thought u were a boy! I kinda even--barf--if I blow ur cleaning it!
BigGuy800: I promise I will never share anything u told me. I couldn't stop myself. please, everything u said about ur mom...I want to be there for u. I know Ive been crazy. I know I've done terrible shit. just give me a chance. In a year u'll be gone like your sister. I just wanted a chance to get to know u once again, to talk like we used to.
LnlyGrl275: ugh. please
BigGuy800:  we can get thru this. I love u so much, Molly. I hate everything that's happening, but I don't know how to fix it.
LnlyGrl275: so u thought stalking ur own kid wud help?
BigGuy800: I'm sorry I deceived u. I couldn't stop myself. i really like talking to u like this. The person uv been chatting with...that's the real me, underneath the whole "dad" thing.
LnlyGrl275: i gotta go. I don't ever want to talk to you again.
BigGuy800: please don't go. I never meant to hurt you. I'm really lonely too and I need someone to talk to.
LnlyGrl275: oh gd. someone wake me up. or shoot me.
BigGuy800: I know it won't be the same, but maybe we can still try? smile_embaressed
LnlyGrl275: what am I doing?? I'm Miss Pathetic 2009. fine..but I have some conditions.
BigGuy800: k
LnlyGrl275: first of all--I set my own bedtime from now on. I stay up as late as I want
BigGuy800: done
LnlyGrl275: secondly--u never ever breathe a word of this or I'm no longer ur daughter
BigGuy800: done. my lips are sealed
LnlyGrl275: third--I get the car whenever i want--with no curfew
BigGuy800: sigh. As long as u promise to be careful
LnlyGrl275: done.
BigGuy800: we good?
LnlyGrl275: i'm thinking about it. this is way creepy
BigGuy800: but in a good way?
LnlyGrl275: no.
BigGuy800: if I was still "BigGuy800" what would u say to him right now?
LnlyGrl275: I'd say, "Hey dude, guess what? I just found out my dad's a bigger loser than I thought! He's been pretending he's some guy who's into me. WTF?? Get a life!"
BigGuy800: and he'd say, "OMG, that is way out of line. I don't believe it. What ru gonna do?"
LnlyGrl275: LOL. and I'd say "Well I'm not gonna talk to him for like ever again. Creepo. But I got a car out of it"
BigGuy800: smile_teeth and I'd say "WTG! That's showing him."
LnlyGrl275: sigh. I do miss talking to you. {{Dad}}
BigGuy800: I miss you too {{Molly Doll}}
LnlyGrl275:DON'T CALL ME THAT!! smile_angry
LnlyGrl275: So..."BigGuy800"...I wanna tell u about this guy at school...can u handle that? ur not gonna freak out and shoot him (or me?)
BigGuy800: What happens in AOL stays in AOL. Lay it on me.