LOL
LnlyGrl275: Hey, u there? Just got on. dad thinks I'm sleeping 
BigGuy800: hey. how was ur day?
LnlyGrl275: bad. hate school, hate life, world sucks
BigGuy800: that good, huh?
LnlyGrl275: yeah. it's like I can't wait til now so we can chat. u make my whole day.
BigGuy800: that good, huh?
LnlyGrl275: yeah. it's like I can't wait til now so we can chat. u make my whole day.
BigGuy800: tx. me too
LnlyGrl275: wish u wern't 2000 miles away. ur my only friend
BigGuy800: I'm here for you. Wish I could be there too
LnlyGrl275: gd I hate boys. not u. u know what I mean.
BigGuy800: So theres someone ur crushing on o_O
LnlyGrl275: LOL yeah.
LnlyGrl275: but its like he doesn't see me. Just cause I'm not on cheer or dance. 
BigGuy800: Is that a requirement for likeability?
LnlyGrl275: duh! I'm in the band 
no one likes band geeks
no one likes band geeksBigGuy800: hey-ur not a geek! I think ur kewl. And a sharp dresser
LnlyGrl275: LOL. rite. we didn't go school shopping this year cause of my dad's layoff
BigGuy800: ouch.
LnlyGrl275: so I'm in last years crap. barely fits.
BigGuy800: times are tough
LnlyGrl275: did u get that job u wanted?
BigGuy800: no 
gonna try again tomorrow. sux
gonna try again tomorrow. sux LnlyGrl275: gd I wish sometimes...my mom....sorry...just been thinking a lot about her...
BigGuy800: ?
LnlyGrl275: don't mean to get teary-face...messes the keyboard
BigGuy800: go on.
go on. LnlyGrl275: I miss her so much. My dad...he's like...he just shouts and screams about everything now...and he's here ALL THE TIME!
BigGuy800: yeah...BTDT
LnlyGrl275: dads are so lame. sometimes I wish mine would disappear. we say like 3 words to each other all week.
BigGuy800: he's prolly going thru his own shit, yknow. he's doing his best
LnlyGrl275: riiight...u haven't met him. I think he's lost it. I just wish sometimes...
BigGuy800: ?
LnlyGrl275: sorry...crying again. I know I shouldn't. I wish u were near so bad. I'm so lonely and its like im dying. my moms gone, my sisters married, and my dads a freak.
BigGuy800: {{{{LnlyGrl275}}}}
u'l be okay. it takes time u know.
u'l be okay. it takes time u know.LnlyGrl275: I just want all this crap to stop!!! 
BigGuy800: Me too.
LnlyGrl275: sorry sorry. taking breath. getting control. talk to me. tell me something
BigGuy800: k. I saw ur new FB pic. it's very cute
LnlyGrl275: OMG it's awful! LOL why did I ever put it up there? Is that really a human nose?
BigGuy800: aww...it's adorable
LnlyGrl275: ur just saying that but thanks. *sniff* I wish u had more pix up
BigGuy800: me 2 but I dont really take any
me 2 but I dont really take anyLnlyGrl275: bleh. u better or I'll come down there and take them myslef
BigGuy800: i'll try. say, how'd that test go?
i'll try. say, how'd that test go?LnlyGrl275: uhh....what test?
BigGuy800: the test? thing?
LnlyGrl275: I never told u about any test.
BigGuy800: the test u had
LnlyGrl275: wait. I never told u about any tests. I just looked at my history. Who is this??
BigGuy800: I was just confused. Nevermind.
LnlyGrl275: no! Are u in my class? Do I know u? WTF????
BigGuy800: I'm not! I mixed u up with someone else
LnlyGrl275: u tell me who u really are or i'll never speak to you again. I don't need this shit!!
BigGuy800: i can't
LnlyGrl275: what????
BigGuy800: i'm someone who cares about u. alot.
LnlyGrl275: nonononononononono. this is not happening to me
BigGuy800: i'm sorry
LnlyGrl275: OMG
LnlyGrl275: dad?
BigGuy800: that day when I first texted u...I was gonna tell u dinner was ready...I forgot I was on this new account...and we got talking
LnlyGrl275: i'm gonna hurl. omg omg omg
BigGuy800: i need someone to talk to too
LnlyGrl275: I like told u all my secrets! TO MY DAD!! I thought u were a boy! I kinda even--barf--if I blow ur cleaning it!
BigGuy800: I promise I will never share anything u told me. I couldn't stop myself. please, everything u said about ur mom...I want to be there for u. I know Ive been crazy. I know I've done terrible shit. just give me a chance. In a year u'll be gone like your sister. I just wanted a chance to get to know u once again, to talk like we used to.
LnlyGrl275: ugh. please
BigGuy800: we can get thru this. I love u so much, Molly. I hate everything that's happening, but I don't know how to fix it.
LnlyGrl275: so u thought stalking ur own kid wud help?
BigGuy800: I'm sorry I deceived u. I couldn't stop myself. i really like talking to u like this. The person uv been chatting with...that's the real me, underneath the whole "dad" thing.
LnlyGrl275: i gotta go. I don't ever want to talk to you again.
BigGuy800: please don't go. I never meant to hurt you. I'm really lonely too and I need someone to talk to.
LnlyGrl275: oh gd. someone wake me up. or shoot me.
BigGuy800: I know it won't be the same, but maybe we can still try? 
LnlyGrl275: what am I doing?? I'm Miss Pathetic 2009. fine..but I have some conditions.
BigGuy800: k
LnlyGrl275: first of all--I set my own bedtime from now on. I stay up as late as I want
BigGuy800: done
LnlyGrl275: secondly--u never ever breathe a word of this or I'm no longer ur daughter
BigGuy800: done. my lips are sealed
LnlyGrl275: third--I get the car whenever i want--with no curfew
BigGuy800: sigh. As long as u promise to be careful
LnlyGrl275: done.
BigGuy800: we good?
LnlyGrl275: i'm thinking about it. this is way creepy
BigGuy800: but in a good way?
LnlyGrl275: no.
BigGuy800: if I was still "BigGuy800" what would u say to him right now?
LnlyGrl275: I'd say, "Hey dude, guess what? I just found out my dad's a bigger loser than I thought! He's been pretending he's some guy who's into me. WTF?? Get a life!"
BigGuy800: and he'd say, "OMG, that is way out of line. I don't believe it. What ru gonna do?"
LnlyGrl275: LOL. and I'd say "Well I'm not gonna talk to him for like ever again. Creepo. But I got a car out of it"
BigGuy800: 
and I'd say "WTG! That's showing him."
and I'd say "WTG! That's showing him."LnlyGrl275: sigh. I do miss talking to you. {{Dad}}
BigGuy800: I miss you too {{Molly Doll}}
LnlyGrl275:DON'T CALL ME THAT!! 
LnlyGrl275: So..."BigGuy800"...I wanna tell u about this guy at school...can u handle that? ur not gonna freak out and shoot him (or me?)
BigGuy800: What happens in AOL stays in AOL. Lay it on me.
Okay then.
ReplyDeleteThis comes in at 1030 words, but 97 of those are the name tags at the start of each text.
I got this idea from an anonymous FML entry: "Today, I found out that the person sending me secret love letters was actually my dad, who felt sorry for me. FML"
(FML = F___ my life. It's an iPhone app where people post the sadly ironic things that happen to them)
I'm not sure it quite "works" because I think it would a lot harder to win her over, and also there's a super-high creepiness factor.
But from the comments on the FML site, I realized it's just a dad trying to make his daughter (and himself) feel better about a bad situation and reconnect.
This might work well as a plot for a 30-min sitcom episode or something like that, because then I think you could work out a really nice reconciliation between the two.
This was new and strange but it works!
ReplyDeleteCould have been creepy but it ended up being amusing and quirky.
Did LOL in many places, especially last entry!
I so busted a gut over this one. The creepy factor had me covering my face (pictured my own DD gushing like that to her own dad). But in reality, that's what made it work.
ReplyDeleteIt could easily happen and proves we don't know who we a)cyber friend or b)live with. Parents and kids communicate more and more through texting, etc...
I totally loved it.
I really liked this! I was as surprised as she was. I don't think it was too creepy. Maybe a little, but I didn't think anything of it until you said something.
ReplyDeleteI love just dialogue stories. You've done a great job with that here.
I love the little devil face. Such a perfect place for it. And wow, creepy would be right.
ReplyDeleteVery funny! I wonder how often that actually happens.
ReplyDeleteI could see that this is possible but not the ending, they couldn't have gotten through it so easily. Or maybe it's me, I was just too creeped out.
ReplyDeleteGiggling! That was pretty cool [but creepy] conversation.
ReplyDeleteVery well done, and yes, creepy. But very funny too
ReplyDeleteSitting here stunned Andrew. lol
ReplyDeleteLove your idea and the execution. The reality of it actually happening is the creepy/scary/pitiful/omg/sad stunned part.
Great dialog.
Karen :0)
Thanks for the comments!
ReplyDelete@Myne--I agree but this format makes it hard to show all the steps involved in a reconciliation...in a way it's more of a story idea than a story...or it's a story snippet.
Cute idea. I wrote a ss once that had a chunk of texting in it. My critique group felt that the abbreviations got tedious and didn't provide for enough differentiation between the two speakers. But when I read back through yours a second time the comments were distinctly girlish and Dad-ish so I think it works pretty well for you. It's certainly an interesting and fun look at what can happen in the anonymity of cyberspace. :)
ReplyDeleteI liked this. I'm really big on good dialogue- I've had to rewrite dialogue a million times to get it authentic. I found it creepy, on the other hand. But the dialogue was great. Is there a way for it to be less creepy? Probably not but I did like it. I don't know what else to say!
ReplyDeleteYou nicely steered the reader through this, and what a great end line
ReplyDeleteGood stuff
That was so creepy. And yes the dialogue was great! But I am also voting for less creepy, but then I am a girl.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for visiting my site. I will post soon with agent hunting details. Thanks for asking!
HAhaha! I went from "OMG CREEPY" to "that's kinda sweet". I really liked this... totally have me grinning like the goober I am.
ReplyDeleteThanks!
~2
I just read your comment and I saw that FML too. I like that you turned the site that makes us feel better about our own lives into something creative.
ReplyDeleteKudos to you!