|WARNING - MATURE CONTENT|
The GS Virus
I’m sure you’ve read many stories about the families affected by the GS Virus. I’m not going to get into the causes or assign blame. Here’s our story, and I hope it helps other families deal with this affliction. It’s really not the end of the world.
It started a few days after receiving our annual flu vaccination. She noticed it first, an unusual swelling of her breasts and a cracking of her voice. Then I started having symptoms: excessive hair growth and a strengthening of my muscles. I didn’t mind the muscles so much—I’d been working out a lot lately. I felt stronger and faster than ever before.
Over the next few days the symptoms increased, just as news reports started relaying the impossible. Her hair started falling out, she grew weaker, and our almost non-existent sex life completely died. Like many couples, we had grown apart over the years, and sex was but an afterthought. Our children became frightened of the changes, since Mommy and Daddy didn’t look the same anymore. We had been wanting to spend more time with them, but our careers had consumed us, me in my fashion marketing gig and she spending half the year on the road as a sportscaster. Now with this affliction taking over, could we ever be a family again?
The thing that disturbed me the most at this point wasn’t the physical changes. It was the mood swings. I felt angry, hostile. I never really was the assertive type but suddenly I wanted to be in control, whereas she became clingy, frightened, needing constant comfort and attention. I just wanted to deal with things and fix them, not just talk about it. For instance, I looked at my job in a whole new light. Why wasn’t I being promoted? Was my pay adequate? She suddenly wanted to spend time with the kids, read romance books and watch chick flicks, and knit for some reason. I got into sports for like the first time ever. I even watched Pro Wrestling with their choreographed violence and sexual overtures. It rocked! This wasn’t me. This wasn’t her either. We had known each other for ten years, and suddenly everything started to change.
Then came the “final stage” of the infection. We’d heard about it and dreaded it. We sent the kids off to my sister’s. She hadn’t contracted the disease, and the kids had received the safe nasal inoculation. For days, we lay in bed while the virus ravaged our bodies. We followed the advice: drink plenty of fruit juice and protein bars. The pain ranged from intolerable itching to convulsive spasms somewhat akin to childbirth. We had to change the sheets about ten times from all the shedding. Yuck. That last night we held each other in the throes of agony, trying to remember that all this would pass, and we could resume our lives—albeit altered.
We woke to a new day. We looked at each other, naked in bed. I have to admit, I’ve never looked at a woman that way before. I felt things I never had before, experienced desires I’d never imagined. We appeared little like our old selves. GS also has the side affect of de-aging you, taking ten years off, so I studied her as if it was the first time had we ever met. I ran my hand down her soft flank, over her breasts, across her lips. She sighed, looking up at me with her dark eyes, button nose, and rich red lips. I fell in love with those delicate features from that first moment. I had never felt this way about my spouse before.
We made love like it was our first time, exploring each other, learning about our new bodies, figuring out how it all worked. Don’t get creeped out, our brains had been changed as well, and it felt completely natural by this point. I know for most couples this was the hardest thing, something you either accept or don’t, but once we got the hang of it, it was incredible. I admit I feel jealous of her, since she quickly found the knack of multiple orgasms. Everything worked as advertised.
Unfortunately, nothing fit. Our clothes, I mean. I can’t imagine all you single people out there, what a nightmare. So it was sweatpants and sweatshirts until we could go to the massive swap-outs that sprang up everywhere.
The kids—well, they were a little more than freaked out. We didn’t look like their mother and father anymore. We had prepared them as best we could. She promised she would still take them to baseball and hockey games, and I would be there for them when they’re hurt or need to talk, but we knew it would be hard. She kissed and hugged them a lot, and I patted them on the back. The secret is really just to love them, but no one is ever unaffected by this. I know they miss us they way we used to be. It took a while but they’ve come around.
So now, a year later, I look back on it, and I see it all worked out for the best. I got not one but two promotions, she decided to quit her job to stay home and take care of the kids, and our sex life—it’s better than ever! We just know exactly what the other wants and needs. It’s like we wiped the slate clean and started over from scratch. I just want to say I love my husband—I mean my wife (still getting used to that even after a year)—very much, and I really hope things stay this way. In a way, I’m grateful that we caught the GenderSwitch Virus, because it’s brought our family together more than I ever thought possible. But sometimes, I still miss my vagina. Though I really do like the ability to pee standing up!
Next time: “Pregnancy After GS”—he-now-she can do it!