Saturday, April 10, 2010

First Kiss Blogfest – Dawn’s Rise

First Kiss Blogfest – Dawn’s Rise

Thanks to Melissa Dean for hosting the First Kiss Blogfest! Click through to check out the other entries!

Also, please check out these other Blogfests including the Bad Girl Blogfest!

I don’t really have a good “First Kiss” in Steam Palace, so I’m going to have to go back a bit to a previous WIP called Dawn’s Rise, where two characters discover something they share…

This is set in 2101. Dawn has just remotely orchestrated a rescue of John who is marooned in a crippled space platform (which is indeed called Obama…it used to be called Bush before the election…just keeping up with the times so don’t get all antsy-pantsy on me).

kiss sculpture John fidgeted while Alpha worked the makeshift communications array from the command center. The 28-second delay between Earth and Obama chafed him.

Instead of the cool, subdued woman from the previous message, an excited girl faced him. She waved, grinning from ear to ear. She had pulled her long hair back in a ponytail, and her lips shone with a bit of gloss. “Hi,” she said. “You can call me Dawn. I know you won’t get this message for a half a minute so I’ll start.”

Her head sat in the monitor, close enough to touch. John spoke directly at the image as if Dawn stood in the room. Judging from the austere background, he decided that she hadn’t altered her image, something he appreciated. She continued.

“It seems like some force in the universe has been drawing us together. Did you know people have been having visions of me and all these disasters? It’s true. I’ve been dreaming about you. When I saw you tied to the chair, I recognized you from my dreams, and I knew I had to save you. I don’t know if you’ve heard about the ‘Mystery Woman’ but—that’s me! Not so mysterious anymore, I guess. I know how this sounds, but I think I may actually be psychic. Ok, go.”

John just stared for a moment, his mouth agape. The tall, slender, dark haired girl with an accent didn’t quite resemble the older woman in his dreams. He spotted the Chairman’s Insignia on her lapel. Could this be some cruel joke his crew had come up with to welcome him back? Did she just say she was psychic? Surely this was a joke.

Before he could question her authenticity, something clicked in his head, and he drew in his breath. “Wait—I do know you. You grew up in the Carolinas, right? Did you ever attend soccer camp during the summer? There was this girl there, a couple of grades behind me, but maybe a couple of inches taller. I’m pretty sure her name was Dawnie.”

“Hello?” she said, interrupting. “Oops, sorry, still getting the hang of this.”

She paused, waiting for his response. The faint echo of his voice carried through the transmission. Her face clouded, and she squinted at John’s bandaged face. Recognition lit her eyes, and her mouth dropped open. “No. You’re…Johnny? JJ? No way. You were my first crush, and you—you totally ruined my summer! All this time I thought I’ve been dreaming about some awesome man—and it turns out to be you the whole time? I don’t believe this.” She shook her head and crossed her arms, scowling.

Memories flooded John’s mind. “Oh my God, you are Dawnie! That crazy girl from camp. You! You wouldn’t leave me alone. You were like a little sister, following me everywhere.” The most embarrassing summer of his life. A summer well worth forgetting.

Dawn shifted as she listened to his words. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have kissed me! Do you know what that did to me? Kissed by the hottest boy in camp? That was my first kiss. And then—you wanted nothing to do with me.”

This was not going well. Was he really having a long-distance argument with the Chairman of HLSCO? Each second of transmission must cost countless shares. “Jeez, that was a long time ago, I was just a kid. And you were, well, you know—” The embarrassment still felt fresh.

“What? What was I? I’m waiting for your answer.” Dawn’s eyes blazed at him as she waited for his response.

John mumbled a few words. “I’m sorry, Dawnie. You were really, really nice. I was really stupid. You were a little—different. What did they call you? Crazy legs? Spiderella? No one ever told me you were in Junior High, I swore you were older than me. I was bragging about how I made out with a senior. When my friends found out you were just a kid, they wouldn’t leave me alone. I was a laughing stock.”

The woman in the console almost choked when his words arrived. “Jeez, Johnny, thanks for reminding me of that time of my life. I can’t believe you remember that stuff. How do you think I felt?”

John tried to recover. “I remember everything. You know, I still wanted to hang out with you, but I had a lot of peer pressure. I always wanted to look you up again.” He paused. “You were my first kiss, too.”

He studied her features. Even filled with anger, her large almond eyes captivated him. Her smooth neck descended into delicious shoulders. She had no figure to speak of, but he imagined her long thin arms wrapped around him. His reverie vanished as she spoke.

“You’re a frigging jerk. God, how I hated what you did! You made me feel so worthless, like a freak. I wish I’d known this before I saved your ass. You broke my heart. Mister ‘King in the Field’ super soccer star. You do remember I beat you for the winning goal that last game, right? About the only redeeming moment of camp. Now I’m older, and I’ve gotten over it. Let’s just drop it. Looks like we’re stuck with each other.”

I wanted to add some tension between these characters, and unresolved past, so I added this shared history. I think it came out a little goofy but I like it.


  1. I like it too. What happens when they get together? Hhmmmmm....

  2. I really like it! Loved the description of her lips shining with gloss and her almond eyes! Thanks for digging for it! I think you have a knack for romance! Thanks for participating with me. My entry is posted if you want to check it out!

  3. Interesting approach to the kiss blogfest. Since I go by Dawn (and have been called Dawnie online) it caught my attention in particular. lol

    Good job with the scene. I'm just curious about one thing. Do you ever have anyone comment on the writing about characters with similar sounding names?
    My old critique group would always make comments on that, saying two characters with similar looking/sounding names was a bad thing and confused readers. *shrugs* just wondering.


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