Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Fight Scene Blogfest Entry

Fight Scene Blogfest Entry

Okay the blogfest was technically yesterday but I just found out about it. This is a rough first-draft sequence from Steam Palace. See the other blogfest entries.

Dirt and mud exploded around them as shells burst around them. “What do they want from us,” she screamed. She zigzagged, hoping to foul their range, but if the two columns of mechohorses on either side converged, they would be caught in a deadly crossfire of bullets. Already, a number of pellets impacted the mechohorse, but it proved resistant to their force, although Prudencia fretted about her charges hanging loose on the back with no protection. She dared not look back lest she tumble the horse with one misstep. Thomas kept steady pressure on her shoulder, assuring her that he still lived.

The trees failed to draw much closer, but the Reichlanders did. Now the air fairly filled with their deadly gunfire. Prudencia knew they had but seconds to live, when a shadow crossed the field.

To their right, a mechohorse exploded, its flywheels disintegrating into high powered shrapnel. A bomb landed near another group, rolling them over on their backs and crushing their occupants.

“It’s an airwarship, and I don’t think it’s ours,” cried Thomas. The mechohorses to their left opened fire on the ship, a giant whale of a vessel, but it unleashed a withering fire, sitting beyond the range of the ground gunners. Another airship approached from their rear, dangling ropes with loops on their ends. “Pru, they intend to hoist us up. We may have only one pass. Keep the horse straight and level, and they will come from behind. When the ropes pass us, you need to follow them, and Lily and I will put them on. Ready?”

Prudencia aimed for the woods, knowing that if this failed, they would have some shelter in there. Ropes appeared out of nowhere before her and to her left, and she headed for them. They floated overhead while the mothership laid down a withering fire on all the horses, causing them to pause and regroup. The forest drew near, and the ropes floated above them, out of reach. “They will try again!”

Prudencia maintained her heading, pulling back a notch as the pursuers were otherwise occupied. The ropes appeared once more, and this time Thomas reached up and secured two of them, a third floating out behind them. He helped Lily into hers, then put his on. “Keep up the pace! When I pat you, stand up and raise your hands. I will grasp you under the arms, and hold on tight! Ready?”

Prudencia tensed. A hand slapped her shoulder. She released the controls, and stood up, the trees just ahead of them. Strong arms encircled her, then she felt herself rise out of the horse. “Be strong, my love, we should be aboard in seconds. Don’t tell them anything.” came a voice behind her. The trees approach as the mechohorse continued beneath them. The arms tugged her, and she rose precipitously, just missing the uppermost branches. The mechohorse slammed into a tree, its front left leg detaching and the middle left bending unnaturally. Another mechohorse dead.


  1. Wow! Such a tense, evocative mood in this--great atmosphere. I felt on edge reading it. I could practically smell the smoke. Well done, Andrew.

  2. Wow--this is loaded with powerful imagery and tension! Well done.

    I def need to practice these types of scenes. :-)

  3. Very action filled, edge of seat type scene. Terrific!

  4. I really enjoyed this, and the only thing that bugged me was not being able to see what the mechohorses looked like. But, where the seen was taken out of context I'm sure its not a problem at all. Very good.

  5. I meant scene instead of seen. Sorry about that.

  6. To see a mechohorse, check this post.

    Thanks for the comments! Glad you enjoyed it!

  7. Very intense! I was on the edge of my seat. You have great voice, and the dialogue was brilliant. An exciting rush.

    Thanks for sharing.



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