Grumpy Holidays!

Grumpy Holidays!

Things I'd like to ban from the Holidays:

• 12 X of Xmas songs. Stupid! Except for the "beer in a tree" one.
• Taking down decorations. I'm getting way too lazy to put them up...now I need to take them down??? WTF???
• Marketing for Christmas in September. Tell me what's for sale the day after Thanksgiving. Hey, is it Back to School time yet? Stop marketing crap out of season.
• No good new Xmas songs on the radio any more. Like, doesn't anyone write new crap anymore? They don't even play it. I heard "Santacide" on the radio last night...kewl but OLD.
• Holiday Food. Didn't we just have ham & turkey?? What about Christmas Gefilte Fish? And did Jesus have a sweet tooth or something? Is that why we're getting slathered in Egg Nog all the time? I want some red-hot Xmas Jerky.
• Being nice to people. What? We're not allowed to be nice the rest of the year? I'm supposed to have Holiday Cheer because of what? I just spent all my savings and my kids hate all their presents?
  
• Christmas Sex with Strangers. Wait...that might not be a bad thing...

Things that we need to see more of:

• Snow. I want 2 feet of snow on Christmas day dammit. I've lived 40 years and I don't ever remember a Christmas snowstorm. Dreaming of a White Christmas my ass.
• Christmas Miracles. Like Santa getting off his fat ass and actually doing something. What's his deal anyways? Either pony up the presents or admit you're a fraud. Game's up, dude.
• Peace on Earth. For a Christian Nation, we certainly do our share of misdeeds. Wrong is wrong, no matter how you phrase it. I want Bush and his whole staff, every member of Congress, and all the other dickheads to get nothing but coal in their stockings.
• Alien Invasions. Seriously. Do aliens take the holidays off too? Why isn't there any Christmas Family Alien Invasion movies? I can't even find a kewl Google link for this bullet point, because the topic doesn't exist!
• Warm Fuzzies. People will be fucking nice to each other this Christmas or I will KILL THEM! (the next day of course...wouldn't want to ruin Christmas ;)