Bickering Blogfest – Steam Palace
Thanks to Kristen Yard for hosting The Bickering Blogfest! (My characters? Bicker???) Check out the other entries!
So this isn’t an actual scene from my novel, but I realized it would be a perfect time for some bickering between Sophia (the milkmaid-turned-burleque-pianist-turned-undercover-agent-turned-cavalier-turned-fugitive) and Viola (the Bad Girl who is Sophia’s long-lost twin sister, although technically Sophia is Viola’s long-lost twin sister, but I digress).
There’s a body, and I’m not saying whose. But it’s kind of a problem.
Sophia shoved the heavy body but it clung to her frame. “A little assistance please.”
Viola hovered, her dark features dripping with the dead man’s blood. She placed her hands on the man’s torso, and together, they rolled him off the bed. He thumped the floor with a sick thud.
Sophia looked at her waist. “His blood is everywhere! I’m soaked!”
Viola smirked. “Would you rather I waited for a more convenient moment?”
Sophia leaned over and looked at the dripping corpse. “We can’t leave him there. What if someone calls on him?”
Viola crossed her arms. “We must return him to bed. Then if someone calls, we will act as if he were in the throes of passion.”
“He’s dead! You want us to lay with him? I do not wish to even touch him.” Sophia shivered.
Viola wiped her hands on her corset. “Maybe we can shove him under the bed.”
Sophia swallowed the rising bile. “Look at that puddle. How much blood can one man have? It’s crawling along the cracks in the floor board. We cannot leave him here. And this bedding is ruined. Not to mention that we both appear slightly guilty in the matter.”
Viola turned and walked away. “Good point. I shall escape by the window.”
Sophia reached out. “No! We can’t leave, it will bring suspicion.”
“I think the body will bring suspicion.”
Sophia glanced down at the man, still pouring his lifeblood onto the floor. “What about the tub? We’ll just say he slipped and fell.”
Viola laughed, blood shimmering in the light. “Dear sister. How does one slip and fall into a dozen stab wounds?”
“I don’t know!” Tears formed in her eyes. “I’ve never done anything like this before.”
Viola’s eyes narrowed. “And I’ve never had to sit and watch the body stiffen. Do you think I enjoy this? We should be miles away by now.”
Sophia breathed, forcing her trembling limbs to quiet. “Okay, to the bathroom then. We shall lock him in, explain that he consumed some rotten whalemeat. You know what that does to one’s digestion.”
Sophia slid out of bed and waved Viola over. They each grabbed a leg. “Okay, ready?” She yanked on the foot, but her feet slipped on the oozing blood and the floor smacked her butt. Viola hovered over her, shaking her head.
Sophia placed her fists on her temples. “This is impossible! What can we do?”
“Back on the bed then.”
The two maneuvered around and grabbed the slick body, but its dead weight would not budge.
Sophia stood and stomped her foot. “This is all your fault. We were well hidden in that cave, but you insisted on revealing yourself.”
Viola frowned. “And you could have had everything with him. You made your choice, I made mine.”
Sophia sighed and looked at the corpse, then at the bed. “Okay, here’s what we do. Tie a bed sheet around him, then drape the sheet over our shoulders and pull him like a donkey would.”
“I am not a donkey!”
“Viola, please. Mechohorse then. How is that?”
Viola sniffed. “I am no beast of burden. I had to do the killing, and now you want me to perform heavy labor? Did you ever consider that I might be a bit distraught at this moment? Do you think killing is an easy thing?”
Sophia slapped her thighs. “And I had to endure his assault. Viola, this bickering is getting us nowhere. Now unless you have a better suggestion, I would like to remove his body as soon as possible.”
“Throw him out the window? Ooh...the fireplace. Burn him.” Her eyes glowed.
“You want to either toss him out the window in plain view of a thousand infantrymen or burn him in the fireplace so a thousand men can smell our crime?”
Viola threw up her hands. “I usually want people to find the body, to send a message. Hmm. Throw a rug over him?”
Sophia had an impulse to strangle her sister. “No.”
The corpse groaned. Sophia squealed. “He’s still alive! Viola, he’s still alive!” She jumped across the bed and huddled on the other side.
Viola looked at her and laughed. “You really are new to this. Corpses make all sorts of noises. See?” She stood on the body and jumped up and down. Each jump resulted in a small groan.
“Viola, stop! Please! You are making me gag!”
A knock rapped on the door. The women looked at each other. “Just a minute,” called Viola. “Come, help me push him.”
Sophia sprang over, slipping and sliding, and together, they shoved the body under the bed. Viola dragged a carpet over the blood while Sophia made the bed and blew out some candles.
Viola pointed down. “Okay Sophia, hide with him.”
“What? Under the bed?”
“It’s the only way. Hurry.”
Sophia crawled next to the corpse.
“Come in,” called Viola from under the sheets.
A young man entered. “I have a message for ______” He waved an envelope.
“He’s taken quite ill, I’m afraid,” said Viola. “He’ll be unavailable for a while.”
Just at that moment, the corpse groaned again. Sophia almost screamed but bit her finger.
“Yes, I can hear,” said the man. “Sounds like he’s on death’s door. Okay, make sure he receives it. We need his response right away.”
“Will do, as soon as he’s able. Just leave it over there,” said Viola from under the covers.
Sophia crawled back out after the man left. Viola smiled, reached out her arms, and wiped the blood off her shoulders and back. “You see? We’ll get through this.”
Sophia shuddered. “As long as the blood doesn’t start dripping through the floor.”
Viola picked her feet up as if that made a difference. “Shoot. I hadn’t thought about that.”
“Yes, you did not think about any of this, did you?”
And the bickering continues….
(LOL) I like these two. Together. What a contrast of personalities. The whole scene reeks of internal and external conflict; the understory with why they are in a room with a fresh corpse a titillating mystery. Very engaging indeed, probably because of the bickering.ReplyDelete
Best intro line ever: There’s a body, and I’m not saying whose. But it’s kind of a problem.
Even Robin would have a hard time coming up with a better one for Batman.
You're a sick man, Andrew. Most excellent.ReplyDelete
My fave line?ReplyDelete
“Dear sister. How does one slip and fall into a dozen stab wounds?”
Hysterical and creepy at the same time! Excellent job. Thank you for participating!
Makes me think of "He ran into my knife. He ran into my knife 10 times."ReplyDelete
This was awesome. It was almost as if we coordinated our stories. :) You have a dark sense of humor and I love it.
As donna said, a great opening sentence. Corpses and dripping blood aren't my thing but you do it excellently..:)ReplyDelete
Fun as usual. These two were born to bicker with each other. How does poor Sophia keep getting herself into these messes?ReplyDelete
I can't believe she jumped up and down on the dead guy. So...so wrong, Viola!ReplyDelete
That was a messy, frantic, surreal scene...I loved it.
@Donna: The actual scene is much more intense, but there is still a good deal of bickering. They are arguing over what led up to the murder which is much too revealing for this blog. But I thought it would be funny to see deal with the body.ReplyDelete
@Eric: I try to maim.
@Kristen. Thanks for hosting! Sophia isn't thinking straight.
@Spock: And he ran into it backwards.
@L'A: Corpses are cuddly.
@Val: It's a long story. About 106K words at last count with a couple scenes to go.
@Rachel: I like how she says that she's "distraught" and then proceeds to jump on him. Riigghhtt...
Rofl!!! Andrew, you are sooo dang funny! These gals remind me of the Duras sisters, Lursa and B'Etor, the Klingon sisters!ReplyDelete
This scene made for a humorous fun read!
Great scene! You managed to make murder funny and icky all at the same time. I like your characters.ReplyDelete
@Eliz: They like to have their fun! :)ReplyDelete
@Olivia: I think Viola enjoyed Sophia discomfort.