New Year's Resolutions
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Resolutions Doomed to Failure:
- I'm going to quit smoking, and never slip or lapse.
- I'm going to lose 100 lbs.
- I'm going to meet someone and get married and live happily ever after.
- I'm going to stop watching 12 hours of TV and playing XBox and smoking dope and moving out of my mom's basement and wash my clothes and get a haircut and stop stealing from the neighbors.
- I'm going to finally dig up the body I buried in the back yard and confess.
So without further ado, I humbly present my resolutions for 2008:
- Become a better father. Be patient and kind.
- Get my novel in front of some agents.
- Run at least 3 long-distance races.
- Keep my job.
- Win a Gold Medal at the Beijing Olympics.
- Become famous, and not for dying recklessly.
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