tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post104473762201336518..comments2023-07-23T02:07:51.261-07:00Comments on Dawn's Rise: The “Let’s Talk” Blogfest – Steam PalaceAndrew Rosenberghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09215333688753781447noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-90388969029867003672010-05-20T11:22:28.464-07:002010-05-20T11:22:28.464-07:00@Writers: Thanks! Sophia isn't so naive as to ...@Writers: Thanks! Sophia isn't so naive as to not notice Viola's hungry demeanor.Andrew Rosenberghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09215333688753781447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-37935398766245759622010-05-20T11:21:10.212-07:002010-05-20T11:21:10.212-07:00@Cat: I think a lot of people liked her. She isn&#...@Cat: I think a lot of people liked her. She isn't all bad but she will challenge Sophia every step of the way.<br /><br />@Genie: Send me a link! What Viola does isn't straight prostitution...it's much higher class. ;)Andrew Rosenberghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09215333688753781447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-84668886918089049482010-05-19T12:28:36.438-07:002010-05-19T12:28:36.438-07:00Hmmm, this situation reminds me of an article I re...Hmmm, this situation reminds me of an article I read about modern Japanese geisha and, in particular, foreign recruits. It's considered an "upper class" thing, and most clients (and the women who serve them) are wealthy and refined, yet it's unclear how far the job overlaps with prostitution.Jean Michelle Miernikhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08971882597502010124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-20383571942491236452010-05-19T03:29:14.753-07:002010-05-19T03:29:14.753-07:00Viola was great! "a vulture savoring her prey...Viola was great! "a vulture savoring her prey" - brilliant!WritersBlockNZhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13666986327836276744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-92130327311832553832010-05-19T03:05:30.490-07:002010-05-19T03:05:30.490-07:00Am I the only one who actually liked Viola? I thi...Am I the only one who actually liked Viola? I think she was deliciously described through her actions and words. She was coy, but not false--refreshing actually.<br /><br />I feel for Sophia and what she will face, though I can't wait to read about it. You have built the perfect tension here between two very distinct characters. <br /><br />well done~ catCat Woodshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10669893196477752032noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-20100544218538056122010-05-18T23:16:46.667-07:002010-05-18T23:16:46.667-07:00@Nicole: I'm definitely trying establish chara...@Nicole: I'm definitely trying establish character here. Thanks.<br /><br />@Deniz: Actually...it IS a lot trouble...but in a lot of ways it was worth it. I would never lead my characters into something they don't grow from...<br /><br />@Raquel: Yay! You finally defeated the Internetz! Thanks for coming.<br /><br />@Myne: Thanks! No problem.<br /><br />@Tricia: This is one exhausting blogfest and I think I've only hit 25-30 entries. Thanks for the comment!Andrew Rosenberghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09215333688753781447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-76244216658214816322010-05-18T22:56:53.976-07:002010-05-18T22:56:53.976-07:00It has taken me so long to travel through the Let&...It has taken me so long to travel through the Let's Talk links to your post, I feel like Sophia--a bit worn out but now dazzled by what I've found here. This is most excellent. The two women have distinct voices and the scene moves to a wickedly delicious hook. I love the way you use descriptions for Viola like canines flashing. Sophia is about to get bit. I want to read on and on.Tricia J. O'Brienhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05993110400088806252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-66976876882072800402010-05-18T18:24:42.505-07:002010-05-18T18:24:42.505-07:00Great dialogue, it flows very well and carried me ...Great dialogue, it flows very well and carried me along. Thanks for the comments on my blog.Mynehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07595087387069634003noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-41329998953763242202010-05-18T18:07:13.373-07:002010-05-18T18:07:13.373-07:00Sorry, Andrew. I've tried to post three times ...Sorry, Andrew. I've tried to post three times today...I don't know what's up. If you get this, then I really liked your excerpt.<br /><br />Loved Viola's predator-like description. Great post...Raquel Byrneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12870113745683162915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-40722152866929356592010-05-18T16:49:30.081-07:002010-05-18T16:49:30.081-07:00I think that "one night" is going to be ...I think that "one night" is going to be more trouble than it's worth :-)Deniz Bevanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17134553551048836979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-58356763438351627002010-05-18T14:04:23.511-07:002010-05-18T14:04:23.511-07:00I loved the dialog in this scene because it allowe...I loved the dialog in this scene because it allowed me to see these two characters, both as they appear on the surface and behind the eyes of Sophia. There is a lot going on with that girl, and I sense Viola believes she's corruptible. So many questions left unanswered...I'd read on!<br /><br />You have a wonderful and engaging style, and your sentences flow seamlessly from one to the next. Well done!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01899768909313326172noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-84457441904630507062010-05-18T14:00:09.793-07:002010-05-18T14:00:09.793-07:00@Angie: Thanks!
@Peidmont: Well, she is a virgin,...@Angie: Thanks!<br /><br />@Peidmont: Well, she <i>is</i> a virgin, but that's besides the point. Now that I think about it, it's partly that she's not used to dealing with strong women herself, so she's a bit defenseless. Yeah, the mechohorse thing is a bummer, it was her dad's. :(<br /><br />@Amalia: I don't want Viola's voice as elevated as Sophias but I could tone it a little differently and keep the same spirit.Andrew Rosenberghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09215333688753781447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-54211627065800085092010-05-18T13:43:58.514-07:002010-05-18T13:43:58.514-07:00I think this works really well as far as character...I think this works really well as far as character recognition goes, but I'm not sure about the tonal shift-- When Viola says: "Listen, Miss Podunk. Tell you what." the contrast to Sophia's language from that point on is sooooo different. Viola speaks VERY modernly, in that paragraph, where in the earlier parts she at least has some kind of victorian air. Am I making sense?<br /><br />Otherwise, I think it comes together quite well, from a mechanic/technical perspective!Amalia Dillinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13005039978668326144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-37583066894312323692010-05-18T10:27:24.637-07:002010-05-18T10:27:24.637-07:00Very well done sir! Very well done indeed. Viola...Very well done sir! Very well done indeed. Viola is so wicked and Sophia such a virgin! I'm sorry she lost her mechohorse though. That's so sad.Anne Gallagherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05816355522284492131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-74971779312753953992010-05-18T10:19:36.358-07:002010-05-18T10:19:36.358-07:00Nicely done. I get a great sense of character from...Nicely done. I get a great sense of character from both of them. I had no trouble knowing who was talking. It flows nicely.Angiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01445455787485222068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-37241325776100194252010-05-18T09:41:32.081-07:002010-05-18T09:41:32.081-07:00@Mia: Very tricksy...and I wrote a scene with her ...@Mia: Very tricksy...and I wrote a scene with her yesterday that's even creeping me out.<br /><br />@Charmaine: Thanks! Me like raunch.<br /><br />@VR: Sophia talks the talk, but can she walk the (street)walk? no.<br /><br />@Donna: Sophia has courage, I'll give her that.<br /><br />@Tina: Oohh yes, and I just rewrote the "trap" yesterday and it's far more icky than this...<br /><br />@Tesse: Exactly. Viola is waving the bait...<br /><br />@Eric: I like using motions, because just dialog makes it no more than a telephone conversation.<br /><br />@Tara: You have a good point too...the dialog should flow, but in this case it's not really a conversation as much as a negotiation so it does get broken up. <br /><br />@Valerie: Yes, great analogy. But what good are heroes if they don't have weaknesses to exploit?...and Viola knows just what buttons to push.<br /><br />Thanks for the comments everyone!Andrew Rosenberghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09215333688753781447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-90475256371936176912010-05-18T09:23:11.573-07:002010-05-18T09:23:11.573-07:00It's always fun to see the naive think they...It's always fun to see the naive think they're being clever. Reminds me of Ariel falling for Ursula's "poor unfortunate soul" shtick in The Little Mermaid. Hard to resist the bad when they sound so good.Valeriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14148970927473800732noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-25910752719115149402010-05-18T07:33:01.653-07:002010-05-18T07:33:01.653-07:00Oh, these two continue to sizzle!
No need for tag...Oh, these two continue to sizzle!<br /><br />No need for tags here. The dialogue is excellent - now unbury it and the scene will flow beautifully!Tarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09008153523366719973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-84829413065712193792010-05-18T07:10:39.677-07:002010-05-18T07:10:39.677-07:00Andrew, Never missed the dialogue tags, didn't...Andrew, Never missed the dialogue tags, didn't even notice. A smooth and actionable scene using motions to denote the speaker.<br /><br />Notice the difference in inflections between the two women. Subtle and effective, denoting one of class and education and youth, even naivety. Good touch.<br /><br /> - EricEric W. Tranthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13842968931062056407noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-29392584351143832022010-05-18T06:00:18.755-07:002010-05-18T06:00:18.755-07:00Uh oh, I see a bargain with the devil...and what a...Uh oh, I see a bargain with the devil...and what a oily smooth-tongued devil she is, well done!!!<br /><br />I also like the way you use words to make her sound like a predator... "Viola grinned wide, her canines flashing." and the way Viola is sizing her up, right now just for figure and shoes, but it almost seems to transcend that...Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11046724975658216337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-86129530252071712302010-05-18T03:03:38.770-07:002010-05-18T03:03:38.770-07:00Nope. No dialogue tag worries for you. It's pe...Nope. No dialogue tag worries for you. It's perfect. *snickers* Sophia is so walking into a trap, am I right? Like a soul-sucking, you-haven't-got-a-hope-in-the-world trap...right?Tina Lynnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05914428134837892539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-61629443175834432152010-05-18T01:50:41.259-07:002010-05-18T01:50:41.259-07:00Roland, you dirty old man you :)
Andrew:
What a ...Roland, you dirty old man you :)<br /><br />Andrew:<br /><br />What a silver tongued demon that Viola is. Just loved how coy she is; how she seems to know exactly what words will sway Sophia.<br /><br />The voice is very clear in this, and I always knew who was talking. Viola's flattery makes her very distinctive; and Sophia seems so naive.<br /><br />Yet, she goes with the vixen . . <br /><br />Very well done.<br /><br />........dholedolorahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08715849844092553699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-2799378941114182542010-05-17T22:09:40.923-07:002010-05-17T22:09:40.923-07:00Nicely done. Yep, Viola makes me feel dirty. And i...Nicely done. Yep, Viola makes me feel dirty. And it's clear Sophia isn't as worldly as she believes, but who is? No dialogue tags needed here. The writing is crisp and clean, the voices of the two women clearly distinguishable from one another. Superbly done.VR Barkowskihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04927993233682731113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-49995101480171925992010-05-17T21:56:38.655-07:002010-05-17T21:56:38.655-07:00very raunchy - I likes :-)very raunchy - I likes :-)Charmaine Clancyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06642615452680721583noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5042906897152963913.post-31010069877120917602010-05-17T21:54:25.950-07:002010-05-17T21:54:25.950-07:00I like the almost conplete absence of dialogue tag...I like the almost conplete absence of dialogue tags :~) It's refreshing and not in the least confusing.<br /><br />Viola used her foot as leverage? Um, ow! She's the kind of character that makes me want to go and wash her off me cause she's so tricksy. Just the way her hand creeps and she leers *shivers* Oooh she soo tricksy.<br /><br />Very well done :~)Mia Haysonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01041441666482084762noreply@blogger.com